My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
