I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
