It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
