Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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