i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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