New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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