i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
false alarm. still invincible.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
