Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
