you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
