K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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