Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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