If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
