chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
