if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
