We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it