I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.