I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is the high leading the old right now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
