YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
