Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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