He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
