first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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