Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
