I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
