I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
