I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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