Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I touched a dick in church today
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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