I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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