sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
