You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
