Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
