At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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