I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
