I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
