You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
