yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
