omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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