you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
