well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
