I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
