ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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