But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
