he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
