is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
