Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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