Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
3pm strippers are depressing
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
