Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
