She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
