I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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