I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
