I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
