why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
