I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
