Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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