I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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