I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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