haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
