you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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