Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
