no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
