Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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