Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
