While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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