Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
