I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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