In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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