We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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