In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
