Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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