he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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