Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
