shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
