the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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