I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You can't special order awesome
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
