did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
