i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
