how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
