i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
