Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
