I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
