The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This is my gift to your gina
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Let's get the cat blown out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
