Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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