If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
