i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
