She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
