I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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