coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
